Decision
If the purpose of this trip was to make a decision on my future Israel-related plans (and, at base, it was), I've definitely made it: I have no interest in moving here, for any length of time, ever. Which kind of shocks me. After the Birthright trip, I was all enthusiasm for making aliyah, if probably temporarily, or volunteering for a year in the IDF, or something similar. Granted, Birthright is not the most objective view of Israel, as my roommates have pointed out; there is, or at least was in my group, not something so stark as propaganda being presented, but at the very least a real effort to import a bumper-sticker slogan I keep seeing around: "I Love NY, but Jerusalem is Home."
But it's not. And I know this is an idea that depends heavily on whether or not one sees himself as an "American" or a "Jew". Which makes it not only a highly subjective and personal decision, but one that's of even more limited scope in that it's unique to American Jews; I don't think a French Jew, for instance, could credibly say that he has the option of making that choice of national identity. In any case, this trip has pretty much answered that question for me: I am most decidedly American above all. Not that Israel isn't wonderful, or that I'm having a bad time, or that Hebrew U. wasn't a worthwhile decision. But at the same time, I miss the states and I realize that I'll never be able to replace baseball with soccer, or English with Hebrew, or New York with Tel Aviv, and actually, seriously feel like I'm where I belong or pursuing an identity I know is mine. And it's certainly more than just being uncomfortable in the native language. Even the scope of the two countries, at least to me, is palpably different. Even for a cynic, America is still a place where the country matches and sustains any ambition, without fail or limit; Israel seems more and more to me like a place where, for all I admire about it, limits and barriers have seeped themselves into the psychological fabric of living here. But whatever the reason, the decision remains the same.
Speaking of Americana, the Fourth went off without a hitch, sans property damage or even a lot of undue inebriation. The worst thing I could say about the night is that when we proceeded to a bar where Americans were supposedly gathering (only sort-of true), the Euro 2004 finals were on TV rather than baseball. I did miss fireworks on the beach and all the usual, but next year.
But it's not. And I know this is an idea that depends heavily on whether or not one sees himself as an "American" or a "Jew". Which makes it not only a highly subjective and personal decision, but one that's of even more limited scope in that it's unique to American Jews; I don't think a French Jew, for instance, could credibly say that he has the option of making that choice of national identity. In any case, this trip has pretty much answered that question for me: I am most decidedly American above all. Not that Israel isn't wonderful, or that I'm having a bad time, or that Hebrew U. wasn't a worthwhile decision. But at the same time, I miss the states and I realize that I'll never be able to replace baseball with soccer, or English with Hebrew, or New York with Tel Aviv, and actually, seriously feel like I'm where I belong or pursuing an identity I know is mine. And it's certainly more than just being uncomfortable in the native language. Even the scope of the two countries, at least to me, is palpably different. Even for a cynic, America is still a place where the country matches and sustains any ambition, without fail or limit; Israel seems more and more to me like a place where, for all I admire about it, limits and barriers have seeped themselves into the psychological fabric of living here. But whatever the reason, the decision remains the same.
Speaking of Americana, the Fourth went off without a hitch, sans property damage or even a lot of undue inebriation. The worst thing I could say about the night is that when we proceeded to a bar where Americans were supposedly gathering (only sort-of true), the Euro 2004 finals were on TV rather than baseball. I did miss fireworks on the beach and all the usual, but next year.
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